Have you ever wondered about someone? What they’re thinking? What their life feels like behind the curtain? If you’ve ever wondered about me, wonder no more — I’m telling you everything right now.
It’s 1:50 a.m. I can’t sleep. HE is on my mind. I didn’t want to be “selected” or up for “selection,” so my girls went without me.
(Selected: being chosen or picked up by a man; as in being singled out of the crowd.)
The house is still. Down the street an argument flared, then died out. Now it’s just crickets and the occasional car.
I feel like making another move — something unscripted, out of character. The option itself feels like power. I could choose differently. I could rewrite my script. It’s my life to live, or so it appears.
Sometimes I wish I couldn’t see the lies coming from a mile away. If I were naïve, I could at least enjoy the illusion while it lasted. Ignorance is bliss, they say. I need that pill everyone seems to swallow so easily.
But I see it. Always. Floating in their eyes when they look at me. They want what I have. They want to trick it out of me instead of asking. That will never work.
He got it ... but he wasn’t HIM.
He thinks I want him. I don’t. I want HIM. There’s a difference. Losing HIM still hurts. Sometimes I forget, then the pain slides back in. HE doesn’t want me anymore, especially after I was with him.
I don’t want much — just to hold HIM, talk to HIM. But HE won’t let me, won’t come near me. Maybe because of her.
HE hit me in the heart. I wish HE’d aimed higher. Because down here? This pain is too real.
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