Overextending in the Name of Help

 

I've decided to step back and keep my distance from other people's problems, even when they bring their troubles to me. I used to think my purpose was to make a difference in the world, but diving deep into others' lives only led to stress and frustration, especially when their problems were often self-inflicted.

No matter how much I helped, whether it was offering temporary relief or providing guidance, if things didn’t turn out exactly as they envisioned, they'd forget my efforts and turn their anger on me. Even when I went above and beyond—explaining solutions and even doing the work for them—there was always the expectation for me to keep solving their issues without end.

I’ve come to realize that trying to make a difference could jeopardize my own stability. Without much support if my own situation takes a turn for the worse, I’ve had to pull back. I used to be outgoing and outspoken, but now I must shield myself.

Take my relatives in education, for instance. One would share stories of troubled kids and I’d suggest she mentor them or get involved. Her reaction? A dismissive ‘girlllllll.’ It dawned on me that her boundary-setting was why she wasn’t overwhelmed. She sticks to her job and doesn’t try to be a second parent or get too involved. Meanwhile, I would have plunged into their lives, trying to offer more than what was needed, risking my job and my well-being.

I even considered starting a mentoring program at one of the schools she worked at. Looking back, I'm relieved I didn’t dive in. I've learned that I don’t have to immerse myself in others' struggles to help them. Sometimes, a warm smile and a simple greeting are all that's needed.

I still wrestle with the nagging thought that I could have done more, but I’m slowly accepting that I did enough.