The Lessons Pain Taught Me

Over the past seasons, the Lord has been teaching me about how we interact with pain... our own and others’. One thing has become clear: nobody hurts or mistreats another from a place of wholeness. There is always a wound underneath, often invisible, but shaping behavior. Their actions, their words, even their temperament, are symptoms of inner fracture. The Bible calls us to forgive not because others always deserve it, but because carrying unresolved pain makes us vulnerable. Proverbs 14:30 reminds us that a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones. When hearts are unhealed, frustration and bitterness are easily triggered, and the enemy can manipulate it in ways that spill over into the lives of those around them.

The second thing I’ve learned is about joy. People don’t actually take it from you. They can provoke emotions that cloud joy in the moment, but joy itself is not finite. It can be buried, hidden, or interrupted, but it cannot be destroyed. Psalm 16:11 says, “In Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Joy is renewable. Realizing this changes the dynamic of hurt. What we thought was stolen was never gone. only temporarily obscured. The process of reclaiming it often leads through prayer and reflection.

Prayer has shown me the purpose behind my own pain. For me, it was learning not to give more than I receive and to stop expecting water from dry wells. People can only give what they have within. Those who do not love themselves cannot fully extend love to others. They betray themselves daily through fear, pride, or pretense. If they cannot accept themselves, they cannot accept you.

Do not deceive yourself into thinking someone who wounds you deeply is free of pain themselves. Their actions are the shadow of their own struggle. The law of sowing and reaping works quietly, like a psychological principle of karma. Every choice, even hidden, has consequences. Hurt perpetuates hurt when unexamined. Healing and integrity, however, always return to the source.

When you encounter those who cannot give what you need, remember your joy is not theirs to claim. Your restoration is in God. Your boundaries, discernment, and prayer are your tools. The Lord’s light can illuminate the lessons in pain and show us where to receive, where to release, and where to stand in our own wholeness.