Femininity and Societal Values

It seems that femininity, particularly in terms of personality traits and behavior, is undervalued in contemporary society. While men often appreciate feminine physical appearances, which are associated with neoteny, this appreciation does not necessarily extend to feminine personality traits.

Femininity coaches on the internet frequently assert that embodying feminine traits is what attracts men, which holds some truth. However, the respect society affords to these traits is questionable. Do men genuinely value the submissive, agreeable, soft, and sweet demeanor traditionally associated with femininity? Observations suggest that excessive agreeableness and submissiveness can be detrimental. Historically, women like my grandmothers, who embodied these traits, were often exploited and undervalued. They were overworked, lacked autonomy, and faced significant hardships without adequate support.

The societal devaluation of femininity is evident in the negative perceptions of stay-at-home mothers, who are often labeled as freeloaders or lazy. Despite the crucial role of childcare, it is not esteemed in contemporary discourse. My mother, a homemaker, frequently faced criticism for not contributing financially, highlighting society's preference for paid labor over domestic roles.

In the dating scene, there is a contradictory preference for women who exhibit confidence, assertiveness, and even selfishness over those who are sweet and romantic. Books like "Why Men Love Bitches" suggest that men are drawn to women who are assertive and independent, challenging the traditional view of feminine submissiveness.

The notion of "being yourself" is often idealistic and impractical. Just as men are encouraged to improve themselves to attract women, women may feel pressured to adapt their behavior to fit societal expectations.

Thus, the discourse around femininity and masculinity, particularly in dating and societal roles, reveals a complex interplay of expectations and realities. The undervaluation of traditionally feminine traits calls into question the societal structures and cultural norms that shape our perceptions and behaviors.