Kayla and I were kicked back in her car, going in on some Taco Bell and daiquiris when the age-old conversation sparked out of nowhere.
"Leata, why do some women swear they want a 'real man' but keep chasing after the worst ones?" Kayla asked.
I already knew where she was going with this. My response was automatic. "Because they don’t really want a real man. They want a lifestyle, an image. It’s like walking into a high-end store, knowing you can’t afford anything, but still acting like you belong."
Kayla smirked. "That reminds me… I gotta tell you about Nikki."
Now, Nikki was a former coworker of Kayla’s, and if there was one thing about her, it was that she had tunnel vision for one goal—securing the bag. She always positioned herself around men with status or money, specifically athletes. She’d entertain men she had zero interest in, just for the perks. But the wildest part? Her life was a complete mess. Her apartment was a disaster, her baby daddy still lived with her and caused endless drama, and overall, she was just trifling.
But that never stopped her from maneuvering into spaces with high-status men, hoping one of them would claim her.
And one day, she got what she wanted—at least, for a little while.
Some NFL player, supposedly from the Ravens, entertained her for a season. She took it and ran with it, acting like she was about to be a wife. In reality, he was just passing time. At first, she played the role—ambitious, soft-spoken, and in need of a “provider.” But soon enough, her real personality came out. Suddenly, she was acting like his parole officer—demanding to know where he was, who he was with, and why he wasn’t calling her back like they were married.
“She really thought she had a ring coming,” Kayla scoffed. “Like, girl… he was just having fun.”
I shook my head. “So what happened?”
“What always happens.” Kayla sighed. “He cut her off. And just like that, he went from ‘future husband’ to ‘the worst man alive.’ Now she’s out here trashing his name, when really, she played herself.”
I leaned back against the seat. “But did she ever take herself seriously? That’s the real question.”
Kayla gave me a knowing look before flipping the conversation. “Speaking of men, what happened with that trucker? Kurt, right?”
I sucked my teeth. “Girl…"
Kurt came in smooth—grown, confident, made me feel like he had his life together. In the beginning, the connection felt real, like maybe this one was different.
But, just like clockwork, the mask started slipping.
“He got real controlling, real fast,” I told her. “At first, it was little things—asking where I was, who I was with. Then it escalated to him trying to dictate everything. One time, during my downtime, he asked me to ride along for a weekend so I could see what his job was like. So, like a dummy, I went. And let me tell you—never again."
Kayla raised a brow. "That bad?"
"Worse," I sighed. “The way he treated me was horrible. I ignored it at first because we were having some adult fun, but after a while, it stopped being fun. It felt like I had been kidnapped. Like, who was this man? We were supposed to be going to Memphis, but somehow, we ended up at a truck stop in Mississippi. He didn’t care about the trip—he just wanted to smash. And the worst part? I let it happen because, at that moment, I felt like I had to.”
Kayla shook her head. “Damn. That was your wake-up call.”
“Exactly. That was when I realized—this wasn’t it.”
Kayla leaned back. “I feel you. We’ve both had our fair share—some good, some just okay, and some that make us wonder what the hell we were thinking. But what’s the common factor here?”
I exhaled. “We keep moving in circles. If we want something real, we gotta change how we move.”
Kayla smirked. “True. But hey, at least you didn’t get pregnant.”
We gave each other that look before bursting out laughing.
But under that laughter, we both knew the truth. It wasn’t just about finding a “real man.” It was about being real with ourselves. And that’s the part most people don’t want to talk about.
If you don’t take yourself seriously, why would anyone else?
That’s why you can’t be out here latching onto men just because they look like they have it together. Status and money mean nothing if you don’t even know who you’re dealing with. Vet everything. Dating isn’t just about fun—it’s evaluation.
Take your time. Don’t rush. Because the wrong choice can cost you more than just heartbreak—it can cost you peace.
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