Opting Out in Modern Society

Why are so many women here quick to criticize any woman who chooses to opt out of dating, marriage, kids, and consumerism? Look at all the personal insults thrown at those pursuing FIRE (financial independence/retire early).

Take, for instance, a woman who decided to opt out of consumerism, living frugally to avoid crushing debt and secure a comfortable retirement without having to work like a dog in her old age. Others simply don't find fulfillment in traditional employment and don't base their happiness or identity on it—but this seems to ruffle feathers among those who hold traditional values dear.

I understand it. When you're deeply committed to something or deeply desire it—whether it's working 100 hours a week, undergoing surgeries to meet societal beauty standards, or molding yourself for validation from others—a woman choosing to opt out of the whole game can make many uncomfortable.

It brings up uncomfortable questions. Is it worth going through all this effort to find a partner, especially when misogyny, femicide rates, and STD rates are high, particularly impacting Black women across different backgrounds? Seeing these statistics and hearing countless stories of heartbreak, loveless relationships, debt, and lack of autonomy and self-love, wouldn't a woman inevitably start to question if the conventional path is overhyped or not as fulfilling as promised?

But you can't dare to ask this question. Instead, you're expected to turn against the woman who made the decision to take a different route, to save herself the effort and trouble. For some critics, it's out of genuine fear—taught that the worst thing is to be alone, they believe having a spouse and kids are securities against loneliness in old age. They call for her to come back to the matrix, warning her, "Enjoy being alone for now, but not too much or you may be lonely in old age."

Yet, are there not elderly mothers and wives plagued by loneliness, despite having children and a husband? Considering that the majority of women outlive their husbands and their kids are often not deeply involved in their lives, this notion is flawed.

Women who opt out of the matrix are often labeled weak, quitters, as if it's noble to persist in something that hasn't brought happiness or satisfactory outcomes in their lives. They're accused of being fat, awkward, ugly, antisocial, lesbian, or mentally ill for preferring solitude and autonomy over serial monogamy and office politics.

Let's be honest. One of the most reviled women is the one who chooses herself over relationships, over the male gaze, and over consumerism. She's demonized, even though she's only trying to break free from a cycle of unfulfilling relationships, debt, and workaholism.

This hatred stems from challenging the cherished beliefs of many women—that if they conform to societal standards, they'll find happiness and fulfillment. Any woman who reaches a different conclusion is deemed a pessimist destined for a lonely, miserable existence.

But some of us see the matrix for what it is and want no part of it, no matter how many try to convince us otherwise. We understand that life is unfair and that there are no guarantees, but we're determined to live our best lives outside the confines of the prescribed life script. Let us prioritize ourselves and save ourselves from the matrix without being shamed or fearmongered.